Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
