I think I died a long time ago.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
