Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
