I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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