dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
