Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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