I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
