she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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