the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
