This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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