WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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