Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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