dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
