I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i drank out of a bidet.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
