remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
