my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Enjoy the penises
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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