Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
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i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
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that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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