Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
All I want is dick and wine.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
