I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
