Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
