wat bout pragnant strippers??
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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