He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
