Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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