You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
