Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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