I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
