it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
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