he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
