I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
