I think i sorta joined a cult last night
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
