my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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