I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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