I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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