Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
