If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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