dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Drunk is a universal language darling
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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