When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
