I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
