She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
