I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
