Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
