A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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