i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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