I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
