I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
