two words: eviction party
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
