Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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