i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize