My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
