I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
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So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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