its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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