i wish my penis had a tongue
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
