I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
