Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
