Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize