the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.