you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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