the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?