yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street