i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
