Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
