I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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