Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
