I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Drunk is not a location!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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