The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
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So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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