OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
