Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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