There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
