kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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