i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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