dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
