How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
