I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just invented taco cereal.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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