Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
